Dam Beaver Podcast
News and History commentary. Plugs for local comedy and theater, in the Beaver Dam WI Area.
Dam Beaver Podcast
Episode 63
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The End of the Revolution. Toy hall of fame. The non-profit NFL.
I know.
SPEAKER_00American Girl dolls. Battleship just made it now. Don't read it.
SPEAKER_02We just started. We just started.
SPEAKER_00I thought you were told me to read them and then you were pissed and blah, blah, blah. Dude.
SPEAKER_01Welcome back.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Hey everybody.
SPEAKER_00Are we on now? Are we really doing it?
SPEAKER_02You just talked over the damn intro. God. Play it again. I'm not playing it again. Play it again. I gotta get I gotta get through the revolution today.
SPEAKER_00Oh, please do.
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_00By all means.
SPEAKER_02We don't I don't God, if we were getting paid, I'd fire your ass.
SPEAKER_00Wait, are we gonna be paid if you're not?
SPEAKER_02But we must owe you. Yeah, you still owe.
SPEAKER_00Don't bring it up.
SPEAKER_02I'm not gonna bring it up.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02My bad. Hey everybody! Welcome back. We came back again. We gotta finish stuff off. What do we got? We got sports, we got Rogers and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_03We'll never let go.
SPEAKER_02We got the toy. The Toy Hall of Fame, which I was looking forward to. I was a little disappointed in there. There you go. I did not go to the Toy Hall. I suppose you can go to the Toy Hall of Fame. I would love to go to the Toy Hall. I think I should even I shouldn't. That's why I said I've never been to the Toy Hall of Fame. I don't know. We were just talking before the podcast. Everybody is short today today. Our clinic is short. Like four people, like 160 patients today. It was just insane. And we can't keep up. I can't keep up anymore. And Amy said you guys were short like three as well.
SPEAKER_00Or at least two. But it's we're busy.
SPEAKER_02And we're in the unfortunate position of knowing everything. So everybody has to stay. I have to stay now. I'm at the age where I have to stay. I used to just leave. Remember those days? And Rick's place. What do they say, Rick?
SPEAKER_03We have a couple that doesn't know, but you know. Oh, you're here. I got three other things and I forgot to put in there. Settle down. But I love all my kind of people.
SPEAKER_02They give me cookies. You know what? I was going to uh continue to uh banter here, but we have got to get through the conclusion of the revolution here. So I'm gonna start right now.
SPEAKER_00Be quiet, Rick.
SPEAKER_02Alright. The end of the revolution. We're gonna get through. I'm gonna I'm gonna oh wait a minute. These are the board meeting notes. Hang on. God dang it. Oh, here we go. And the vote was oh wait a minute. Here we go. Now it's all shot. Alright, I got it. There it is. Alright, as you know, we are loot. We lost in the South there, right? Or we're coming back again, because Nathan Green is helping out. So here we go. We're January 26, 1781, New Jersey. The war for independence drags into its sixth year. Okay. Money, spirit, and patience are flagging throughout the Army, uh, throughout the Army. Time is running out. Only three weeks into the new year, and the situation reaches a crisis point. The Continental Army is exhausted and neglected and on the verge of revolt, and they're not getting paid. Uh no, in no time, Washington has got a mutiny on his hands, and his response is going to be drastic. Ah, all right. The story of here we're gonna the story of mutiny began on January 1st, 1781, in Morristown. Uh that's New Joycey. Uh there is uh little to celebrate in this new year. The war is coming to an unrelenting uh uh misery. The soldiers from Pennsylvania have reached their limit. Unpaid and undeferred and barely clothed, they can endure no more for the great cause. Uh so in 1780, the Continental Army has become, in many ways, the professional organization that Washington needed to be. It's all set to go, but the army's unhappy. They finally got he finally got them trained, and you know, Verenbach Steuben helped out. But nothing but they're just it's that there's just no there's just no happiness. They've been they haven't been paid in a long time, and when the money has been forthcoming, it's been paper money that is depreciating moment to by moment, and it's worth less every day. So the soldiers are are they a little bummed, okay? So then uh enraged their voice, they voice their grievances to their superiors, but there's nothing that can be done. Okay uh uh Congress is without the right to uh to tags, which is the stuff that they use to make money. It's out of money to pay its soldiers, and the soldiers are not swayed by this, by these promises, and they pledged that their lies for this and they're spilling their blood, and uh they thought they were going to you know serve the country, but they're they're not getting their contracts honored. So they're they're just bombed as hell. But you can't work for free. No, no, and so the officers uh uh the fact that the officers had better food and better clothing also didn't help things either. All right. They had better equipment and they endeared the regular troops who were so cold and hungry and so behind in their pay, and within the revolution, a rebellion grows. January 2nd, the camp's empty as 1,300 soldiers, a quarter of the Northern Army, up and leave. They march out taking cannon and weapons with one destination in mind. They're gonna go to the Continental Congress with it. Boy, they got balls. It's a two-day march uh away in Philadelphia, and their plan uh is to make Congress listen. And I suppose if he pointed a cannon at anybody, you could get them to listen. Yeah. They get as far as Princeton and they seize the town of Princeton, and Washington sends an army to surround them there, and they negotiate uh a peaceful set, and the troops who want to go home get their money, and troops who want to stay get the clothing they need, and about half of them go, and that's the end of it. All right. So Washington begs Congress for money and provisions, and it's the only way to pass is via his army, and it's uh it's too little too late, all right? There's a new unresh amongst the other camps, and they too want to believe, get what they're owed. So, January 20th, 1781, in Pumpton, New Jersey, 200 soldiers from the New Jersey line start to rebel and they begin to march account to Congress again. But this time, Washington will strike them down for the sake of the revolution. Are you ready? Listen to this. Uh uh he couldn't have an army where mutinies took place, and they just would go home, the whole army would implode and the war would be lost. So uh if the British thinks that they're mutiny, there's gonna be a mutiny as well, they're they're gonna it's gonna build up this further that they're gonna win the war, and Washington can have cannot have that. So the mutineers don't get uh too far. They are quickly captured, and among them, the three men, the ringleaders, are sentenced to death by firing squad by Washington. Now listen to what Washington does. Uh not but they are not the only ones who will pay a heavy price for the insubordination. In a cruel move, Washington gets their twelve closest friends and men who were with them in the mutiny, uh, but not quite the ringleaders, and he orders them to shoot them. Oh the men uh in New Even the men in New Jersey, they're simply a they're just they can't they can't believe it. Uh he orders them to shoot them, and it's a most painful task, uh says James Thatcher, a continental doctor. When they ordered to load, uh they were ordered to load their guns, some of them shed tears. And the first six men fire, but they deliberately aim high, sending a volley over their heads of the condemned men, all right? The second six are immediately assembled, and under penalty of death themselves, they're ordered to shoot. And this time uh they shoot and they find their target. Uh the punishment sends a clear message uh sedition will no longer be tolerated in the Continental Army. And after that, there was no more mutinies. Now, in the South, the war continues without pause and an ongoing showdown between the two army determined armies. Uh having surprised and beaten, having surprisingly beat the British at the Battle of Cowpens, remember that? The Continentals steadied themselves for revenge. And the British uh will seek to make this huge push for this and to annihilate the rebel force. Now, Cornwallis is down there, remember he came back. The British commander in the South has become a sing it's been his obsession. He will not stop until he makes the Continental Army stand and fight. And Nathaniel Green is the other one. And so Nathaniel Green, remember, has been leading them into uh the this cat and mouse chase. Uh and Cornwallis himself believes that he can draw Nathaniel Green into one decisive fight if he can bring the war to one pitched battle somewhere in the South. But Green does not give him the satisfaction. He can he knows better. He said he learned from his battles in New York and Brandywine that keeping the army away from direct confrontation is paramount. So, you know, it's like when you're boxing, you if your opponent hits you harder, you gotta keep moving so you don't get hit, right?
SPEAKER_01Right, right. Right.
SPEAKER_02All right. So he wants to wear down the enemy and he wants to buy time to get reinforcements. So Green draws Cornwallis step by step further away from his lines of supply, farther from the possibility of reinforcements, and further from the point of no return. And Green has been leading this chase for months, zigzagging across the south, uh uh through swamp and foreless uh for the forest. Cornwallis manages to stay close, often trailing by only a hundred yards, but the Continentals just disappear as he shows up. The two sides regularly skirmish among scouting parties, but the armies never meet and have a big battle. So the British, by contrast, are encumbered, uh, and they will need to take extreme measures to keep up. To lighten the load, listen to this. To lighten the load, Cornwallis orders an enormous bonfire built, unto which all the unnecessary trappings of distinguished British army are thrown. Uh, tents, clothing, fine china, silver, and a complete and all of the rum. He burns all the rum.
SPEAKER_00Where are the rum gone? No! Where's the rum gone? Don't do that.
SPEAKER_02Cornwallis is very earnest. He does not want to allow Green to escape, and he's gonna do anything he can in his power to catch up with them. Alright. It's a fateful decision by burning all of this stuff that he will pay for later, but the race picks up speed, and the two armies begin to travel at an almost inhuman pace, moving as much as forty miles in a single day. Green now sees only one chance for survival. As Cornwallis chases him towards the Virginia border, Green makes a daring move. He splits up his army, sending one branch toward the Upper Dan River. Hey, that's my river. Uh while the main while the main army moves east, where Green has come commandeered all the boats along the crossings. Okay, Cornwallis fooled dutifully follows the decoy. It brought Green time uh that he needed to move downriver to the point where the Continentals had gathered all of the boats on that river and cross at a point that Cornwallis could not hope to cross. So Green's plan works. He moves his entire regiment, all 2,000 men, across the Dan River, reaching the other side just in time. And the British realizing the deploy rushed to the crossing, arriving just hours after the last of Green's boat sleeve. And Cornwallis is pissed. So he's pissed. He is so close to victory, and he recognizes that the chase is over. And cheers, listen to this. Cheers from the Continentals are so loud they can be heard all across the liver, taunting, uh taunting the British, but it is a genuine joy after marching more than 200 miles in just one month. Green's army can finally rest. Green will not stay in Virginia long, though. Uh he's going to get supplies and new supplies and new recruits, and this is gonna change the game. And the hunter's going to become the hunted. Now, back to France. Yes, don't forget about Ben Franklin.
SPEAKER_03Ah, he's still there.
SPEAKER_02He's still there. France, 1781, in the court of Versailles, where uh uh let's see, Benjamin Franklin is still in hot pursuit of France's money.
SPEAKER_04Because they need it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Lately, it has become elusive. Uh King Louis XVI, uh, America's ally against the British, has given more than 100. God, that's a lot of money, 100 million dollars in direct aid to the revolution. Back then? Yeah. Holy crap. In fact, so it's like 400 million, 500 million. In fact, he's going broke funding the Americans. Yet it never seems to be enough to satisfy Ben Franklin. Franklin gets these truly amazing shopping lists from Congress, and they are requisition lists for everything from thimbles and shovels and thread and drum and paintbrushes. By the way, and oh, by the way, we need 30,000 blankets and 50,000 uniforms, and a ship uh of the line would be nice. And Franklin is constantly approaching them. Well, if they keep giving it away. With this tin cup, yeah, yeah. Yeah, uh it it's already to give us say, listen, we've already given at the office. We're giving you this. How can we possibly cough up more? And Franklin is caught between two masters. On the one hand, he must convince the French that the American Revolution can still be won. And on the other hand, he must assure Congress that the French is the key to the war to winning. So some Americans like Washington have reason to doubt it. All right. He's always confused and perplexed, and in the end, he was always disappointed in the French, right? The soldiers that he promised didn't come fast enough. He didn't feel there was enough of them. Uh, they never came in time. So, unbeknownst to Washington, his concerns are being answered. Quietly on its own schedule and with his own agenda, the French Navy finally makes a move that will change the war. March 1781, on the eastern coast of Fuence, ready, a shipment is being prepared. The mighty French warship, the V the Ville de Perry, reaches for a long voyage to the Americas, and at its helm, Admiral Francois Josephus Paul de Comte de Grasse.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, do that again.
SPEAKER_02Admiral Francois Joseph Paul Comte de Grasse, one of America's most uh talented admirals and greatest glory seekers, yeah, uh, is in the Caribbean, trading where his trading interests lie. Now remember, the French aren't interested in American independence. They just want to piss off the British. Right. That's all they want. They are not interested. Okay. No, it's not they don't care. They hate them. They just want to piss off the British. So uh in this conflict to humiliate the British government, and hopefully he's they see some territory from Britain and a slice of this, you know, of North American for their help. Uh America may be a pawn in this game between superpowers, but they'll take it, right? Yeah. So the rebels can make their own. And the next move uh will shape uh fresh opportunities for all sides. Now, February 22nd, 1781, Halifax, Virginia. General Nathan Green pushes uh his players into position. He readies the army now, uh, now regrouped and resupplied to cross back into North Carolina, where he will now seek a confrontation with Cornwallis, he once avoided. All right, crossing again over the Dan River, Green soon draws Cornwallis back into the chase. Only this time, Green leads the desperate British commander toward a spot favorable to the Continentals, which is at Gulford Courthouse. That's a weird name. It is. March 15th, Green sets uh sets up his army first, and Wallace uh is weakened from uh Cornwallis is weakened from a lack of provisions, nonetheless prepares to throw everything he has at winning. Cornwallis's men uh soon break through Green's militia lines, they bear down on the rest of the army with bayonets. Uh Continentals face the charge, the two sides fall upon each other at coarse quarters. So there's this lot, there's all of this going on. Fearing a loss, listen to what Cornwallis does. Makes a desperate and brutal decision. Cornwallis turns to the lieutenant in charge of artillery and orders him to fire right into the mass of struggling men, killing both Americans and British in order to break it up. So he kills his own men. Great idea. Nice. The cannon cut down twice as many British soldiers and Americans, but it's enough to stop the rebels, and Green orders his men to retreat. Uh and he will not risk his soldiers. God, what an ass. Cornwallis is victorious, but only by sacrificing his own men. Twice as many die, the victory at Continentals, and it's they perished a loss, and it's the kind of win uh that uh uh cost Cornwallis, you know, it gained him nothing, really. So so the defeat of uh uh of the rebel army is not one inch closer to him. I mean, he hasn't done anything. He will leave the Carolinas an ambiguous victor in search of more decisive battles. Uh, but when he leaves, the British uh strategy starts to go it leaves them in tatters. So at the moment, the contin the Continentals and their French allies are about to move as one. Here we go. Losses in the South and a stalemate in the north have left the British uh command uh in America in disarray. And worse, the public confidence uh back home is weakening, and all the loyaltists are starting to get slapped around by everybody else because remember they were loyal to slapped around. Yeah, yeah. London, England, 1781. Parliament. Listen to this. So Parliament uh is sick of the war. Uh, they're tired of it. King George and his cabinet may try to spin it differently, but they can't change the facts. The insurgents of colonies are showing no sign of submission because that's just us. We love pissing people off. We're Americans. That's what we like to do. Right. British people are saying, come home, what's in it for us? And they're wondering how it's going to end. Uh are we going to be there forever? The rift between those wish to end the war fast and take, you know, long view travels over the Atlantic. In America, the King's commanders will soon find themselves with opposing strategies. It's just insane. And New York, Sir Henry Clinton. Remember him? He's in charge of this whole thing, though. He's in north of New York. The overall British commander takes a patient view of things. It's easy for him because he is surrounded by the luxuries that the colonies have to offer. Clinton has four houses that he lives in in New York. What? Yeah. This is why they lost. Well, this is we this how many times have we heard this where they're sitting on their ass? He's living pretty high on the hog. Uh, he's certainly his liquor bill is remarkably high. He found great enjoyment in the arms of Mrs. Badley, uh, the wife of a British officer. Uh it was hard for Clinton to leave New York, and uh it was comfortable. And he was at least loving uh Mrs. Bradley was anyway. Uh-huh. Uh so uh Clinton conducts the war from New York. It's almost like he's waiting for events to happen to his advantage so he can act on them. So Cornwallis, his instincts start to act. Uh and so he writes to him. He says, Now, my dear friend, what is our plan? Uh without one, we cannot succeed. If we meet an offensive at war in America, we must abandon New York and bring our whole force to Virginia, General Cornwallis. Now, I'm gonna cut through this. Cornwallis sends uh messages to uh Clinton four times, and he does not send troops. He says he's gonna send troops, but he does not. He says he's gonna send troops and he does not. Now, Francois Admiral de Grasse makes his long-awaited appearance. Uh uh the French Navy has been an absent player in the Revolution and now turns north with 28 ships, 3,000 men, and the long-waited money to pay the Continental soldiers. Uh, but they will other was gonna come with a catch. It will be the French, not Washington, who decide where they will land. All right. Remember, Washington, he's pretty he's pretty even keeled about this. He takes advice. Uh, in their view, the British are the weak are the weakest in Virginia near Chesapeake Bay at the small port of Yorktown. Now, Washington had his hard heart set on taking New York, but when DeGrassi uh plays uh he he says we want to take Chesapeake, he's gonna be there for a certain amount of time. Washington, he listens to them and he knows that this seems to make sense, and so this is what he's going to do. Uh, and with all he has, every soldier, every cannon, every French reinforcement, Washington moves south on the land. And now French is coming up on sea to take uh Cornwallis in Yorktown, right? Yep, the battle uh he hopes will end the war. Cornwallis uh sends a message for troops again. He says he'll send them, and he does not. For the first time since the beginning of the Revolution, Washington decides to take a little trip home first to Mount Vernon, okay, to visit Martha during this period of time because he has a little time to himself. He hasn't been home in five years. Uh he has seen Martha only rarely and has grown out of touch. And now he delves into the details of you know what the man of the house does. He tends to cherish, he cleans, he helps Martha with cleans. Yeah. Six years ago, he he took he left her behind to take charge of this rebellion that's turned into a revolution. And uh his uh son uh Jackie uh wants to join the war as well. So George is he hasn't been home in a while. So Jackie now takes a final plea to his father into battle, and now he wants to follow him, and this time Washington says, okay. So he's pretty confident that they're gonna win, so he has Jackie come with him. Now, General deGrasse sails up toward Virginia from the Caribbean. The Continental Army is joined by 5,000 French troops. Uh, he also heads toward Chesapeake Bay. There, General Cornwallis hastens to build his defense and worked uh Yorktown, but he is beginning to feel that he is sitting in the center of a dangerous trap. He just has a feeling. Cornwallis raises the alarm and wires to Clinton to New York one last time. He gets vague promises from he says, I can I can relieve you very soon, but you must be prepared to hear the worst. General Cornwallis, uh I shall endeavor to reinforce the army under your command by all means within my power, Sir Henry Clinton. Uh so Cornwallis is hanging on those promises. It's not happening. Admiral deGrassi's feet arise at the Chesapeake Bay with it takes on the British force, chases them out. Both fleets are badly hurt, but the British give up the bay, and de Grassi wins in one pivotable, pivotal battle, uh, and he sends them out of Yorktown. Cornwallis knows the situation is worsening. He sends a fifth letter. God, this guy's nuts. Uh he sends them out. Uh de Grassi inches up further towards the river, towards uh uh Yorktown. Washington presents his plan to loss a map to launch a massive frontal assault in Cornwallis, right? Again, deGrasse says, uh we probably shouldn't do that. You lose a lot of men that way. Washington says, okay, I see that as a better strategy. Again, he gives, if he has there's a better plan, Washington gives up for it. Now. Boy, we're getting to the end here. This is great. Uh Cornwallis and Sir Henry Clinton, uh they're meeting on the parallels now. They start to dig these trenches closer to Yorktown on land, they're coming at sea, they're closing in on Cornwallis, and they start to rain all this firepower on them. Uh Clinton promises support. Uh they close in, they make a full attack uh on the fort. October 15th, Cornwallis uh writes to Sir Henry Clinton: Sir, my situation now becomes very critical. The safety of this place is so precarious that I cannot recommend you run great risk in endeavoring to save us. Uh, General Cornwallis. Cornwallis sends the letter, but the letter will not be read. Clinton has already set sail from New York to help, but the belated uh relief effort will not be in time. His window ends up closed. For six long years, Washington fought a war marked by more loss than victory. Now his day has come. The general's finest hour begins quietly with the lone British officer uh drumming the uh uh oh the uh um uh the what do you call that? The rep when you give up Yeah, the uh oh surrender thing that you can play on the drums to say we want to stop all this. Uh so the enemy, here's a letter from uh uh uh George Washington. Uh Lord Cornwallis proposed a cessation of hostilities uh to settle terms for surrender of the posts. And to this he answered with a desire to spare further effusion of blood and would readily incline me to accept the terms of surrender. But that wish that I wish to have in writings to General Washington. Now, Henry Clinton, uh um, Henry Clinton can barely contemplate the consequences of his inaction. All right. Uh he had set in motion the end game and he sat idly while it played out, and now the Southern British Army has lost uh uh everything. And 7,000 Redcoats on October 19, 1781, lay down their arms in front of General George Washington on this momentous occasion, with only one person missing. General Charles Cornwallis avoids the ceremony, claiming illness, and no doubt it felt worse on this day than any other in his long military career. All right, Cornwallis is so humiliated uh and stricken by the defeat that he cannot surrender to George Washington in person. Cornwallis now meets up with Washington a week later, and Cornwallis, in a show of respect, invites Washington to his headquarters, and the two men uh have a drink, and what they discuss is not recorded for history. They just had a discussion. Um, the one ancient power has now been taken down by these Americans, and there's euphoric feelings everywhere, and Washington uh the general is about to exit the stage, and the statesman and builder is about to take place. Uh, but before he can look to the future, Washington has pulled back to the present. Now, what happens is there's another vote in France by the people and parliament to get out of the war before Nathaniel Green can fix any of his heirs. So Franklin gets this message and goes to Parliament, and he the king is outvoted by one vote to end the war. So they end the war because of this battle. Nathaniel Green and all of his men just line up and get ready to leave, and they dictate terms, and it's sort of the end. But here's one thing. Uh, Washington, uh uh, before he can look to the future, is pulled back to the present, and victory has come at a terrible price. A personal tragedy that will forever scar the general. During the siege, Washington's son Jackie, who finally came to fight alongside his father, uh falls ill to a devastating camp fever. Uh Washington and Martha uh arrive in time to see their son alive, but only briefly. Jackie soon dies at the very as the very last victim of America's crusade in Yorktown. Okay, so at the same time the country is celebrating in jubilation through all the colonies, and the victory of Yorktown, the commander-in-chief who brought them that victory, is mourning in deep grief over the death of his final child, Jackie. So it's the ultimate sacrifice for the Virginia farmer who stepped up to lead this fledgling country, and at last the revolution is over. But Washington, like thousands of other Americans who fought and died alongside him, uh, must wonder at the extraordinary cost of independence. And that is the end. Wow. And here we are. That's crazy. Look at all of that. I didn't know that all those he lost all of those family members.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's like almost everyone.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That's that that's a lot.
SPEAKER_03That's crazy stuff. Yeah, it's crazy. No wonder he didn't smile much.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Right?
SPEAKER_00No careful.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. I mean, look at that.
SPEAKER_03He's always known not to smile. George Washington.
SPEAKER_02Boy. And all of those demos came back, and then Benedict Arnold betrayed the country for no reason.
SPEAKER_00Really no reason, yeah.
SPEAKER_02He could have he could have been a hero. He could have been a hero. He could have, he they would have had a statue of that guy. Yeah. Instead. Instead. He's known as the Benedict Arnold. He chose poorly. He chose unwisely.
SPEAKER_00Amy totally rocks.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I do. You do.
unknownWoo!
SPEAKER_02Let's see what Amy has. Newsworthy. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Um, so 2021 National Toy Hall of Fame nominees.
SPEAKER_02Oh I love this and I hate this.
SPEAKER_0012 iconic toys. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Name them up, name them off. All right. Is there a picture? There should be a picture of it. Well, there's a picture, yeah. Sure.
SPEAKER_00The year's finalists include famous brands of American Girl dolls.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Battleship.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, my daughter said that.
SPEAKER_00I got that. Billiards? Um, like pool.
SPEAKER_02All right, I can see that that's a game. Is that a game? I mean, it's a big one. Battleship, I think, is still I played that one a lot. Remember, did you, Rick? Did you have electronic battleship?
SPEAKER_03Um, I did not ever have that. That was for other families. I only had the manual.
SPEAKER_02Those were families.
SPEAKER_03You could cheat on the manual one.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you absolutely. Did you ever try to do my friend used to place them diagonally? That son of a bitch.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Tim Juster, you know who you are, you son of a bitch. Cheater. Yeah. Good. So battleship, what else?
SPEAKER_00Billiards, Cabbage Patch Kids, the Fisher Price, Corn Popper.
SPEAKER_02Is that that thing that rolls on the ground?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it makes the following noise. Oh, pop-up babies. And then Mahjong.
SPEAKER_02Mahjong.
SPEAKER_00Masters of the Universe.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00The Pinata.
SPEAKER_02Really? Is that really a game?
SPEAKER_00It says Pinata. Well, it's not really a game. You just smack the crack. Candy comes out.
SPEAKER_02But I mean, it's been around longer than America has. It's a long year. So I think that should win.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It should be in there. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Risk.
SPEAKER_02I love Risk. I like Stratego better.
SPEAKER_00My brothers used to play Risk. But the next one is sand. Well, this is where they says sand. It just says sand.
SPEAKER_02You can do a game with sand. I don't think that that should be.
SPEAKER_00It's not a game. You don't win.
SPEAKER_02Do you remember that kinetic sand that they had? That was fun. You could m shape and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00But it's not a game. You're just that's not Legos. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02They should have two. They should have toys and they should have a game. Yep. That's a toy. Yeah. What else are you?
SPEAKER_00The Settlers of Catan?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_01I don't know what that is.
SPEAKER_00I don't know what that is. And the Toy Fire Engine.
SPEAKER_02Okay. A. Those are the nominations.
SPEAKER_00It just says the toy fire engine. Yeah, I just.
SPEAKER_02Alright, so what would you pick out of that? I would pick I would pick Masters of the Universe because I grew up with it. And then I would pick uh I don't know, it's a game, but I would I would pick Stratego and then the Cabbage Patch doll because I was here.
SPEAKER_00Oh Stratego or Risk?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I would I always take Risk.
SPEAKER_03God, those cabbage patches.
SPEAKER_00American Girl dolls, that's not a game.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but it's a toy. It's a Toy Hall of Fame, remember? Remember, it's a Toy Hall of Fame. So it should count. But the game shouldn't be in there. But if they're gonna be in there, I'm gonna pick I'll pick one. I'd pick Battleship.
SPEAKER_03Oh maybe it's too late. Sand would be interesting.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if they should. Sand's not a game or a never I've never played with like What would you pick?
SPEAKER_02I have played with Sands.
SPEAKER_00I would probably pick Battleship.
SPEAKER_02Amy, you don't pick me. Uh see, I don't see you with dolls.
SPEAKER_00You've sunk by Battleship. They're boring.
SPEAKER_02I see you with firecracking nunchucks or something.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm no kidding.
SPEAKER_00Ninja Stars?
SPEAKER_03Using the dolls as targets, right?
SPEAKER_00I'm in Toy Surrey. I'm the kid next door.
SPEAKER_02Blowing shit up. Yes. There is that kid. What made it in?
SPEAKER_00Um so the inductees are waiting. National Toy, Hall of Fame welcomes. American Girl Dolls. No risk. Sand. Sand. Really? Wrong. As the 2021 inductees.
SPEAKER_01Well, they're wrong.
SPEAKER_00Sand? That's a cat letter.
SPEAKER_03You can use that as a catalytic.
SPEAKER_02I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think that should come out.
SPEAKER_00That's dumb.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I agree. Yeah. It's just to go outside. Really? I just want to win anything.
SPEAKER_02I understand what they're going out. Remember that this is the same place that inducted the stick. The stick is a good thing.
SPEAKER_00Anyway.
SPEAKER_03Although I've used it as a toy. Probably.
SPEAKER_00Probably.
SPEAKER_03A stick. I've used them as a bat. Not sand. I'm well, I don't know. I you know, I I you know, you could take hands fire a handful of sand and build these towers as tall as you can get them, and then they, you know. You never did that? Okay. Alright, it's still a bad choice.
SPEAKER_00We can never go into the sandbox because that's full of cat poop.
SPEAKER_03All right.
SPEAKER_00That's right. Surprise. Not rain.
SPEAKER_01We always had to look in the box version for the girl. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00Surprising number of kids in the US think hot dogs are bacon. That they hot dogs come from bacon. What?
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00I guess. So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No. Hang on. Okay. This is like kids are they're I don't understand this. So kids think that food isn't really coming from what it's really made from, I guess.
SPEAKER_02They're too detached from the process of health food.
SPEAKER_00So they just eat it, but they don't care about where it comes from or what it's made of.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Like for what did they what did they say? Like some kids think hot dogs is a plant.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Kindergartners think bacon comes from a plant and not a pig.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. See, we should have homeschooling year-round.
SPEAKER_03So they're completely disconnected. Yeah. Good idea.
SPEAKER_02I think they're a little. But you know what? Uh I remember when in uh 70s, we were taken to a slaughterhouse.
SPEAKER_04That's too hard.
SPEAKER_02Oh, so you knew exactly what and uh at the end of the thing, they offered us a hot dog and nobody took the hot dog. Yeah, so that's that's too far. This is back in the 70s. And I went to parochial school for a few years. That's right. That's real, man. Holy cow.
SPEAKER_00Apparently, kids think everything's made from plants.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because it extends into cheese, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, shrimp, and hamburgers. All there's they're saying they all come from plants.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we we don't need to. I mean, you can have a plant alternative, but it tastes like shit.
SPEAKER_02I remember when we brought the girls down at the at the uh what it was what's this corn thing down here that we have down? The corn maids people, the bull balkans or whatever. Wa bogles. And we brought them the chicks there. And then little baby chicks. Wobblewig wiggles. I can't remember. And they they had the baby chicks in there, and I had to tell Brianna and Sarah when they're, you know, when they're like 10 and eight, that, you know, well, this is when they were gonna eat these. What? Well, that's what chicken nuggets become from. Really? And then, you know, for at least a day they didn't eat chicken nuggets. Yeah, nice, Dan. But then they went back.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Let's go to McDonald's. Well, yeah, you don't know.
SPEAKER_00So they're saying children lack the basic food knowledge because so many of them have little exposure to how food is grown with fewer and older American farmers. The number of children in the United States uh who work on farms have dwindled. They don't, you know, they don't have their own gardens. They don't so they don't understand what it's actually made of.
SPEAKER_03I never knew the term lamb fries until I was lucky. Uh uh in high school, I learned what that really meant. What is lamb fries? Lamb fries? Wow. Fried lamb testicles? That's a delicacy. What else you got, Amy? Gusting. I ate them. I just found out what they were. People eat them a lot, apparently.
SPEAKER_01That's bad.
SPEAKER_03Farmers? Oh, come on, Dan. Oh, do it.
SPEAKER_02No, thank you.
SPEAKER_04No.
SPEAKER_02Thank you. That's so bad. Did you hear somebody somebody stole the uh there was a street cleaner? What was it up in uh fruit like it's Fondolike? Somebody stole a street cleaner?
SPEAKER_04You know, the thing that sweeps up the up the thing?
SPEAKER_02I don't know how they would flew right out of town, I'm sure. But I mean, you can't even those things don't go very fast. I mean, how would you find them? As long as he cleaned his lung. Well, he made a clean getaway, I'll tell you that. Oh, come on. Thank you.
SPEAKER_03All right.
SPEAKER_00Five reasons your farts smell so bad.
SPEAKER_03And again, Wendy's chili, that's all I can say. No. What's the scientific reason?
SPEAKER_02Oh.
SPEAKER_00I don't know. They gave me five reasons.
SPEAKER_02Number one, diet. Okay. No, what diet consists of smelly fruits.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02Oh, well, yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_00Uh, certain types of foods, stinkier farts, foods that are rich in fiber like beans, leafy greens, and fruits.
SPEAKER_02So we'll chalk this up to the noise.
SPEAKER_00See what happens when you eat healthy good things, your farts stink.
SPEAKER_03Right. That's true.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. There's a dude I used to work with. He was like a bodybuilder, and all he ate was tuna and broccoli, and his farts stunk so damn good.
SPEAKER_03So you can look great, but God, you smell like stunk like yes.
SPEAKER_01Gross. I just see how the listeners go. Why? Why did you?
SPEAKER_04What?
SPEAKER_02Why did you turn this on? Why did you turn this on? Everything turns good till Amy said.
SPEAKER_00Foods that are rich in sulfur are not good. Onion, broccoli, cabbage can also call cause odorous gas.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00These are all good things. But how um apparently if you eat slowly or chew it more thoroughly, it's easier to digest.
SPEAKER_02I would think that that would be the opposite. Yeah, no kidding.
SPEAKER_00I don't know.
SPEAKER_02So eat fast if you don't want to eat slower. Right. Oh, eat slow.
SPEAKER_00So it breaks down slower.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay, okay, okay. Chew it nice and good. All right, all right, all right.
SPEAKER_00Uh the second uh reason is food intolerance. Uh-huh. Some foods are difficult for digestive tract to break it down, leading to food intolerance. The chief among those is lactose.
SPEAKER_03Lactose intolerance.
SPEAKER_00Um blah, blah, blah. Sits in the gut.
SPEAKER_02And that's a that's the chemical we made, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Gluten. That's not in real milk, right?
SPEAKER_00Well, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I have no clue.
SPEAKER_00Doesn't make enough of the enzyme to break down the lactose.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Type of sugar found in milk and other dairy products.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00But it's not this makes your farting worse, it says. Undigested lactose sits in your gut and is broken down by by bacteria and releases gas, and then you fart it out.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00So what you should do about that is avoid it. Okay. Three, constipation.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Is another reason that your farts stink.
SPEAKER_02What causes constipation? Anything?
SPEAKER_00It says poop or stool.
SPEAKER_02Painkillers. We know that.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, concealer.
SPEAKER_02Too much cheese. Nature's cork.
SPEAKER_00You're old and you're, you know, your gut start slows down. Oh. Stool is primary is primarily fiber, which humans can't digest. So when stool stays in the colon for longer than the normal 36 hours or so, the bacteria continue to break it down. The fiber releasing gas.
SPEAKER_02Were you at work and you just picked this magazine off the thing at work and just read this other?
SPEAKER_00I work with some general surgery girls too, so that's all good.
SPEAKER_02I ate before I came. One of the things you ever go out to eat with nurses, people, just watch out. They'll talk about anything.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Number four, the reason medicine, that's all the narcotics that slow down your gut, and then everything is at a standstill, and then you end up with constipation.
SPEAKER_01Good lord.
SPEAKER_00And then the fifth one is an underlying medical condition, blah, blah, blah. Stinky farts.
SPEAKER_02Well done.
SPEAKER_00Colon cancer, dumping syndrome, intestinal bleeding.
SPEAKER_02Which article did you get this from?
SPEAKER_00So we can name the article.com.
SPEAKER_02No preferenceinsider.com. So you did get this from work, didn't you?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_02That's it's good. It's very important. My credits are due this year, too. My 24 credits are.
SPEAKER_00But the farts, we've also been told, Dan and I were told um the other night that uh we were supposed to talk to Rick about him farting in a movie while you did needlepoint.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, Rick.
SPEAKER_00And that you farted, and then like it wasn't part of the thing, the script, but you farted in a movie.
SPEAKER_03I did. I did fart in a movie.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02What was that m what was the movie?
SPEAKER_00I can't remember. It was something you were doing needlepoint or something or other, and you leaned over and you farted.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I have to yeah. It was a movie I filmed with Dan Bell. Oh, okay. I don't know the name of it. I can't say that. It must have been a good one. It was a great it was a great movie. It was released a year last year, I think, maybe. So it's still gaining, you know. You'll never you'll never hear of it.
SPEAKER_00So it's coming to the Beaverdam Film Festival.
SPEAKER_03But it was. I'm sure. But it was great. It was phenomenal. Yeah, I had to lift a cheek and everything. It was awesome.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you like that's what we were told. Yeah, it was to bring that up and ask. Great.
SPEAKER_03I'm glad you did.
SPEAKER_00It's important. I figured you were.
SPEAKER_03It's important. Proud moment.
SPEAKER_00Actresses who have played Catwoman through the years.
SPEAKER_02Oh see if I can name them. Rick, you name one. Um start with the bad name. Anne Hathaway. Are we are we talking about TV series too?
SPEAKER_00Everything.
SPEAKER_02All right. So um name the first one. I know you're Julie Newmar.
SPEAKER_00See, he's this isn't even fun because he's gonna name them.
SPEAKER_03Anne Hathaway was my favorite. Well, no. Ann Hathaway, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Julie Newmar, yes.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Um what is her name?
SPEAKER_02Um I can't think of the other lady. The one that does that's the one I'm thinking of.
SPEAKER_03Chelle Pfeiffer? No, but she was she played it. Oh, yeah, she's pretty good. She's alright.
SPEAKER_02And then uh who's the I can't think of the reason.
SPEAKER_00Halle Berry.
SPEAKER_02Halle Berry, yes. Oh, that's right. She did. I forgot that. But I can't think of the lady, the uh African-American lady. No, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, Aretha Kitt.
SPEAKER_02Aretha Kitty Kitt. Yes, Kit. How I she played uh, she was in uh oh Kitty Kitty Kitty. Uh the uh Cusco. Yes. Yeah, she played the uh This is my voice now?
SPEAKER_00This is my voice now. All right.
SPEAKER_02And then uh Drunk. I just saw the Batman movie twice. The new one that's the new one?
SPEAKER_03Was it really that good?
SPEAKER_02It's pretty good. I can't wait to see her. The uh lady that played Cat Lady in there. I don't know her name.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's Chloe. That's uh what's her name? Kravitz.
SPEAKER_02Kravitz. That's just Kravitz. Okay. Lenny Kravitz's star.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she's dating Channing Tatum.
SPEAKER_02Oh, she is. So she was born with all doors open. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Lee Merriweather.
SPEAKER_03Lee Merriweather, yes.
SPEAKER_001966.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00DC Comics released the first full-length theatrical adaptation of Batman. And New Meyer played Catwoman on the show. Interesting. Um, I'm trying to think if there was a let me get to the end here. I think we got most of them. Halliberry, yeah. And Hathaway. And then now, yeah. Oh Cameron by by Condova in Gotham, in the TV show Gotham, she played Catwoman.
SPEAKER_02I gotta watch that show. I never watched that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And then Zoe Kravitz.
SPEAKER_03Zoe Kravits. Interesting. There we go. Aretha Kit. No. What was her name? Kit? Kitty Kit.
SPEAKER_00Zoe Kravitz?
SPEAKER_03Zoe Kravitz. No, the Kit.
SPEAKER_00Aretha Kit. Eartha Kit.
SPEAKER_03Eartha Kit.
SPEAKER_00Jesus.
SPEAKER_03Eartha Kit.
SPEAKER_02Come on, man.
SPEAKER_03Sorry. I thought it was Aretha.
SPEAKER_02Get it.
SPEAKER_01Get it together.
SPEAKER_00Oh my God. So apparently there is a humongous rat problem in Washington, D.C. You mean people telling that people or no, like legit like rats.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00Two people had to get the Hantavirus.
SPEAKER_02I heard of this. What is it? What? The Hunta?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Many people might already think the nation's capital has got political rats. But yeah, because Hanta virus.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But that's a bad virus. Where is it? Hearing. Uh DC health officials rated that rated out the first two known cases of Hantavirus spilling into the city from the rats.
SPEAKER_02Ew.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So people have gotten bitten by these rats.
SPEAKER_02What does the disease do?
SPEAKER_00The virus festers quietly in rats and other rodents, but in humans it can cause potentially deadly respiratory and hemorrhaging diseases.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, Honta is like killed like entire villages in Africa.
SPEAKER_00Humans pick up the infection by direct contact with the rodent Europe. Or nest dust.
SPEAKER_03I hate those rodents. Who picks these stories? Oh my God.
SPEAKER_00I do. Don't go into Washington, D.C.
SPEAKER_02No more free reign for you. God, hemorrhaging from like the eyes?
SPEAKER_00Just hemorrhaging diseases, I suppose, anywhere. All orifices, I believe. That's it.
SPEAKER_02Thanks, Rick.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no problem. This one's kind of fun. I like this one. Yes, let's talk about something funny. He's so cute. U.S. boy with uncombable hair syndrome becomes the Instagram hit.
SPEAKER_03Uncombable. Oh, look at his little doo. Wow. I love the hair.
SPEAKER_00He looks like thing one and thing two. That's what his hair looks like. Super cute.
SPEAKER_02For the radio, the visuals that she's using for radio. He kind of looks like uh a doc from uh Back to the Future. That's exactly he's got white hair that's sticking straight up in the air.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Or thing one and thing two, just with white hair. It is called Lachlan. Oh no. His name is Lachlan Samples of Georgia, has a rare condition that means his hair stands out from the scalp and cannot be combed flat.
SPEAKER_03No matter how wet you get it. Poor feller. Make it easy, I guess.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I guess.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, brothers. It's just him, huh?
SPEAKER_00As far as it can't be combed? He can't comb it down. You can't get it wet. It's like you've been zapped, you know, by the little electric.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00And it just stands straight out.
SPEAKER_02Grease?
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00They never doctors have said told her they had never heard of the syndrome, but referred her to a pediatric dermatologist in Atlanta, Georgia. And diagnosed with uncombable hair syndrome.
SPEAKER_03That kid's gonna be famous on that.
SPEAKER_00Rare genetic disorder of the hair shaft.
SPEAKER_03It'll probably be at sports or something. You don't want I well, I mean, he's got shafts that'll never go limp. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You said limp.
SPEAKER_03Hair shafts.
SPEAKER_02He's too young and he's it's for that joke.
SPEAKER_00Come on.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, come on, right.
SPEAKER_00All right. Grow up. And I flat out the city. This one is funny too. You're funny. No. Um, this is funny. Indianapolis teen gets left stranded in a tree after trying to rescue the cat. Did you hear about this? No, no, no. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_03Perfect idea.
SPEAKER_00So this Indianapolis teenager climbed 30 foot foot tree, right? Trying to rescue a tabby cat. And then his name, well, now it says he's uh they're calling him Owen. But anyway, firefighters had to get him down after he climbed up and then he kind of froze and couldn't get the cat down.
SPEAKER_0230 feet is is a good distance in the air. Yeah. When I used to install cable, I used to have to get up on the poles and I was up 33 feet.
SPEAKER_03Oh man, no.
SPEAKER_02Let me tell you, it's too much. That's quite a ways away.
SPEAKER_00He was trying to do a good deed, he said, when he saw his pet stranded up in the tree. Uh but while um then he failed. Yeah. He positioned, you could not allow him ease to get down. They had, yeah, so they had to get the aerial ladder to get him down.
SPEAKER_02So he went up. So the fire department had to come anyway.
SPEAKER_00They had to come and get him. And then the cat ended up just coming down by himself. Oh no.
SPEAKER_03Time to get a new one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, buddy.
SPEAKER_02Meow, meow. Oh, wait, no.
SPEAKER_00The incident comes after the after. Oh no, never mind. A week before this, a cat, they tried to the firefighters tried to get a different cat out of a tree and it went wrong, and the cat tumbled out of the tree and missed the safety blanket. Whoops. That was a week before.
SPEAKER_03But got up and ran away because it always lands on its feet.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, right. It's just it's funny.
SPEAKER_02It's a good story. See, Amy, that's a good story.
SPEAKER_00Okay. This one's kind of a little depressing.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Celebrities by all means. Let's bring it back to us with that.
SPEAKER_00All right. Celebrities we loved growing up, but whose deaths hit us the hardest. Oh. Number one, Robin Williams.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely true. He was kind of a big hack, too. I heard that he took other people's script.
SPEAKER_00He did.
SPEAKER_02He's kind of yeah, like a lot of his funny stuff. Some of the what he took from uh uh another one is Milton Burl used to do that too.
SPEAKER_03Oh, really?
SPEAKER_02Like other people's ideas? Well, like other people's funny stuff. Like if Robin heard it one day, he would say it in his act the next time. So that's that's what I read that a lot. Yeah, I read that a lot. I like people that do that. But still talented.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Number two is John Candy.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that one is.
SPEAKER_00One that really impacted everybody. Yep. Number three, Steve Irwin.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00All nice guys. Yeah. Michael Clark Duncan.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00The big dude from Green Mile. He was cool. Yes, it sucks. Patrick Swayze.
SPEAKER_03Oh, Gene's crying right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I had hair like I had hair like him for a little while.
SPEAKER_00Sure you did.
SPEAKER_03I got nothing like him, but Gene lets me know.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers. Oh, yeah. This one was this one was, yeah, he was young. John Ritter. Yeah. That was a big one. Sucked. Yeah. Right. Right. He was pretty young.
SPEAKER_02You guys remember that One Three is Company episode where it was just a big misunderstanding? You remember that one? Like everything was. Weren't they all were a big misunderstanding? Yeah. It's like the whole thing. Yeah. But he was a super nice fellow. Yeah. Like he and Billy Bob Thornton were good friends.
SPEAKER_00Oh, really? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's why he was in uh the first like uh Santa Claus thing. Bad Santa. And also remember he was in Sling Blade with him. Yes. So yeah. So he he liked John Ritter. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00The next one was this one is just could have been avoided. Heath Ledger. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Good actor. And then really stupid. Too many fucking narcotics. Dumb.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Carrie Fisher. That was kind of a big one.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but that one was a common. I mean, she lived. I know.
SPEAKER_00It's like we expected it, but yet not. I mean, you survived the 80s and like 70s. Yeah, it kind of sucks. She's ever ready. But I'm so glad they got her to finish Star Wars. Like that was, oh my God. When I watched that, I just bawled. Uh Jim Henson.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that was another unnecessary one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this one was big for me. Chris Farley.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_00That just sucked. He was just so funny. He's a local dude. I'll give him um I'll give him a break for going to Marquette. David Bowie.
SPEAKER_03Oh, he's dead. Oh my god, Rick. Dude. When did he die? I don't even remember. Like, I don't know, like a year ago. Yeah, but it was fairly recent.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but David Bowie died. You didn't hear that.
SPEAKER_03No, I you know, honestly, I don't remember hearing that.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00You like cancer, I think. Really? Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. No, I'm shocked. I'm completely shocked. You don't know. You didn't know David Bowie?
SPEAKER_00No. And I think they just released an album. He made an album before he died, and I think they just recently released it. Huh. Yeah, the next one, Phil Hartman.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That sucked because he got killed by his wife. Right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That was a shock. I just watched the documentary on that. Yeah. That was pretty good.
SPEAKER_00Messed up. This one hurt my heart, Prince.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. He was really young. He was super young. He was. What was he? He was in like 50 or something like that.
SPEAKER_00The elevator brought him down.
SPEAKER_02Kind of.
SPEAKER_00But it just sucked because he made so much music and did so much for communities and music programs.
SPEAKER_02You never heard anything shitty about women. Nope. With him. He helped them a lot. He helped uh Apollonia. He helped a lot of uh saying with all of them.
SPEAKER_03Who are musicians in Minnesota, Minneapolis right now? Right. They've worked with him and he was always willing to come in and work with you didn't have to have a name. Yeah. He would just work with you. Right.
SPEAKER_02That's crazy. So he had an he didn't really have a family, but I mean he took the time to be a good mentor. It's like you know what I mean? I mean, when you don't have family.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, he grew up pretty poor and everything, too. So just giving people a shot is huge. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02His information was given freely. You gotta give him credit.
SPEAKER_03Paisley Park is on my list of must visits. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, must visit his house.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then the 15th one was George Carlin.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, one of my he was the first uh set I saw in HBO in 1980 that I snuck to watch. And I could not stop laughing. Carlin McCarney. Oh, he just was so funny. What a great show. Yeah. He had his cadence. Yeah. Didn't miss nothing.
SPEAKER_00This was another one of mine. I don't know about you guys, but Luke Perry, he was super young and he just had a big old massive stroke. Yeah, yeah. Like, what the balls.
SPEAKER_03I remember being shocked and thinking, oh, Jesus, that can happen at that age. Right? Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then Philip Seymour Hoffman.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Died with the needle in his arm. What are you gonna do?
SPEAKER_01Good, good actor.
SPEAKER_00Jim Varney, Kirk Cobain.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Give me one more.
SPEAKER_00Um, Selena. She got murdered by her shocking.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, just messed up. Latino community.
SPEAKER_00Well, she's like, what was she like? She ran her fan club or some crap and then got obsessed.
SPEAKER_03Stupid witch that's gonna be.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's like a John Lennon thing. Like, I want to be you. Like, you're not them. I don't understand it.
SPEAKER_03She was horrible. She's still alive too, and that that sucks.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that sucks.
SPEAKER_03She should be gone.
SPEAKER_00And then the last, well, I had some other stuff, but I'll wrap it up. Um, the last thing I had was um the Senate has unanimously approved making daylight saving time permanent.
SPEAKER_02Today?
SPEAKER_00Um, Tuesday.
SPEAKER_02Like you mean we're not going to change the clocks back?
SPEAKER_00Well, it's through the Senate.
SPEAKER_02Oh.
SPEAKER_00Gosh darn it. So no changing of clocks that means? Well, supposedly. That's what they're saying.
SPEAKER_03I wonder how much money it took them to vote on that.
SPEAKER_00If it would let me get the rest of the freaking article.
SPEAKER_02Not that I just talk amongst ourselves. Okay, take your name. Take all the time you need.
SPEAKER_00I don't want that.
SPEAKER_03See, now it's like how come you don't have a dog yet? Oh, you know what? Gene's daughter, Jessica, yeah, she works uh at a humane society, and she should she sent us some pictures of puppies today. That's where we got together. We have to go homes. Oh, dude, I could take nine of them right now.
SPEAKER_00No. Um, so anyway, oh yeah, Tuesday approved the proposal to make daylight saving times permanent, which, if passed in the House and signed by President Biden, would mean Americans would never again have to set their clocks back an hour or lose an hour after or have afternoon daylight in the fall or winter.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I've never understood that, I suppose.
SPEAKER_00But the problem is it gets a little weird though. If enacted into law would also mean that early risers lose an hour of daylight in the morning in November, December, January, and February. It's fine. So, like in New York, for example, under the current law, the sun will rise at 7 15 a.m. on December 21st, the shortest day of the year. If Sunshine Protection Act becomes law, New Yorkers won't see the sun rise until 8 15. Oh that day.
SPEAKER_02I I'm a darker person. I don't tan.
SPEAKER_00I know, but when you try and get up in the morning and it's dark, it's uh sucks.
SPEAKER_02I don't like it.
SPEAKER_00Like right now, it is so hard to get up in the morning. It really is.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I don't have I don't have that problem.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02You need brighter light. I'm a dark person.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I have a light personality, but I have a dark person.
SPEAKER_00So anyway, that's been approved.
SPEAKER_02Dark personality.
SPEAKER_00Only by the House. No, by the Senate.
SPEAKER_03So it's waiting for house and it probably won't pass then. Okay. Right.
SPEAKER_00A bunch of crap. Amy totally rocks.
SPEAKER_02They'll never work out.
SPEAKER_00Thanks, guys.
SPEAKER_02And that's Amy's segment. Tell you what, there's a lot of news.
SPEAKER_00There's a lot of sports.
SPEAKER_02And she has to go, she's got to go through all of that.
SPEAKER_00There's a lot of there's a lot of fun stuff this last year.
unknownSport.
SPEAKER_01That's all. That's it.
SPEAKER_03Well, ladies and gentlemen, the wait is over. In a startling turnabout, after more than three months of largely stagnant negotiations, Major League Baseball and the MLB Players Association reached an agreement Thursday. O la di da. Who did it? They got what they wanted. Is that nonprofit as well? Nonprofit organization. Okay. 100%.
SPEAKER_00For tax purposes only.
SPEAKER_03So they only, you know, used the games as a leveraging thing. Right.
SPEAKER_00So now the brewers have home game on my birthday.
SPEAKER_03Oh, really? So that is that the new home? No. Opening opener? No. No, it's not the open.
SPEAKER_00It's in May.
SPEAKER_03Right. I was just about to say your birthday's in May.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Maybe that's excellent.
SPEAKER_00I don't know.
SPEAKER_0317th.
SPEAKER_00No. Wrong. I'm a double deuce.
SPEAKER_02You're 22? Yeah. My May 9th. Kelly's May 13th.
SPEAKER_00Nice. Logan's May 18th. Hey, well, mine's November 8th, yeah. Well, you're totally not in it.
SPEAKER_03Makes no sense at all.
SPEAKER_02You just ruined the sorry.
SPEAKER_03So they're avoiding a lockout. They're not going to be, you know, picketing outside MLB stadiums. But uh what they did get was um, let's see. They had a starting point. Each, okay, so now each team, I don't know if you know how baseball works, they have what's called a tax bracket that each team has to stay within. It's kind of like a salary cap.
SPEAKER_00Right? Okay.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So each team had roughly, um, let's see, it offered a $230 million starting point. It's now increasing to $244 million over five years. So now in five years, we're gonna go through this all again. Uh-huh. And they're gonna tr probably, you know, hold out again and say, oh, we got to renegotiate all this. Because as you know, the MLB is a nonprofit organization, much like the NFL. So now the only good thing to happen with this is that if you are the crappiest player on a major league baseball team, and you still science.
SPEAKER_02Still pretty good, right? I mean, if you cried if you only can pitch three innings, but you can s you can I mean, but you s throw 120 mile an hour fast.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you're still a really good player. Right, right. Now the league minimum used to be, I don't know if you guys could live on this, but pretty sure I could used to be five hundred and seventy thousand and five hundred dollars.
SPEAKER_00Nice.
SPEAKER_03That's no longer the case. No, no, no. It is now increased to seven hundred and eighty thousand dollars to be the crappiest player on an MLB team. Wow. Uh now there's a luxury tax on teams. Did you know that there's a luxury tax on each on these nonprofit organizations? Nonprofit organizations. For what? So what is the nonprofit? Okay. So each each team has like basically what's called a salary cap. It's called um so a so it's like a tax ceiling, right? Now, if you are the New York Yankees and you go over that salary cap, it's okay. They'll let you do that.
SPEAKER_00Nice.
SPEAKER_03But then you have to pay 20% tax on the overage, versus like the brewers will never be able to, you know, $230, $40 million on the average. That's still not fair then. So they'll never pay that tax.
SPEAKER_02And you know it will. But the Yankees still will. But Americans who go to work and get an hourly wage pay 30%.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Right? So there you are. There you are. The owners of these teams are not paying their fair share. But that's, hey, non-for-profit. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Nonprofits good for the kids.
SPEAKER_03Let's talk about some more nonprofit. Let's talk about the NFL's 25 highest paid players now since 2022, shall we? Yeah, last year. No. We'll just talk, we'll just start with the first couple now. Who is, of course, Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers now is going to be making an annual salary of $50.3 million dollars. And in doing so, agreeing so, money is not an you know the important thing to him, remember. Remember him saying, money's not the important thing to me. I want to win. Well, how can that be true? Because now they had to cut four players to avoid to afford you.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. It did lower his salary cap for this season. Oh. However, his uh his cap hit next year balloons up to like over $38, $40 million. So if he stays with it, he's gonna bankrupt the Packers, just one player. Well, good luck getting Devontae Adams to play for less money.
SPEAKER_02How can you bankrupt a nonprofit organization? Is that crazy?
SPEAKER_00We're gonna win a we're gonna win the Super Bowl.
SPEAKER_02Aren't the Packers owned by Green Bay, though? Yes. So they have stock. What is it, stocks or something?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, you can buy a stock that's basically worthless, but you can pay for it. Okay. They just had a sale. You know what I think is funny?
SPEAKER_00It's worth nothing.
SPEAKER_03They just had a stock sale that made, I think it was $770 million or whatever. They they sold all this stock and people bought it up. They sold them out. It gives you zero. Like I think the actual percentage was 0.00002 whatever of a vote. Because it's so many owners in Green Bay, right? That's the thing. But you got the paper. Right? So anyway, number two is Patrick Mahomes, $45 million a year.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Josh Allen, quarterback, another quarterback, $43 million a year. Who's he playing for? Buffalo Bills.
SPEAKER_02Josh Allen. I've never the only reason I ask is I've never heard him of them winning lately.
SPEAKER_03Now, and here's Dak Prescott, Cowboys, $40 million. Deshaun Watson, $39 million. Russell Wilson, $35 million. He just got traded. He just got traded into the Broncos, and they're only paying him $35 million.
SPEAKER_00Now if they're just because the last couple weeks sucked.
SPEAKER_03I mean, if they're winning people, that's fine. I mean, if they that is the exact point right there, Dan, that I'm going to come up with here.
SPEAKER_01All right.
SPEAKER_03Jared Goff with the Lions just won a Super Bowl. $33.5 million. And now he's with the Lions. Who did you say? Jared, Jared Goff with used to be with the Lions. Just won a Super Bowl, not with the Lions. Yeah, the Rams. $33.5 million. Kirk Cousins, the Vikings, $33 million. Now, love him or hate him, where does Tom Brady sit? Hate him.
SPEAKER_00He should have freaking stayed retired. He should have stayed retired. He came out of the room.
SPEAKER_03Tom Brady comes out of retirement.
SPEAKER_00Well, if Aaron Rodgers is going to play, then I have to play.
SPEAKER_03Right? But here's the difference. Tom Brady actually wins six Super Bowls. He makes $25 million a year. Half of what Aaron Rodgers does.
SPEAKER_00Not for long. I'm sure he's got gets bonuses up the ass.
SPEAKER_03No, we're not. Okay. If you're going to talk about his endorsements, through the roof, disgusting.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03He makes over 200%.
SPEAKER_00His big foreheaded face.
SPEAKER_03It's disgusting. It's disgusting.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00I don't even like six finger ass for the biggest thing.
SPEAKER_03So now in celebration of baseball and everybody getting their money and everything, I thought I would share with you.
SPEAKER_01I told you guys I gotta raise it. At Stanford.
SPEAKER_03Oh, Dan held out for a big $12 million signing bonus.
unknownWho?
SPEAKER_03Dan, here, he just got a raise.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, I gotta raise it. I think radiographer and the Madison. So I got it.
SPEAKER_03And for that, Dan, I believe you should be making $30 million.
SPEAKER_02I think so too. And I would give it to a nonprofit organization.
SPEAKER_03Amy, you are in the healthcare field. I think you work your ass off. I think you deserve a million dollars. Amy's the best nurse.
SPEAKER_00How can we get 30 million? I only get a million.
SPEAKER_03I knew that was gonna come off. I knew I was gonna get it. It's because I'm a man. Ladies out there, that is not true. Yeah, it's true. I am not a man. If you would have let me finish, I was going to say $100 million. Okay. So anyway, I'm going to share with you because I'm just so happy baseball got their money. Top ten most bizarre events to ever occur during a baseball game. Because I love baseball. I don't love that they make so much money.
SPEAKER_02Have you I haven't been to a brewer game since 1982. Let's go. Let's all go to a brewery game.
SPEAKER_00Is this a World Series thing?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, when they were taking on St. Louis. I was a little boy.
SPEAKER_03I remember I was also there.
SPEAKER_02I was there too.
SPEAKER_00For one of the games. Yep.
SPEAKER_03I remember uh Gorman Thomas striking out. And I remember crying. And the mighty Gorman.
SPEAKER_00Can never forget that the stupid cardinals.
SPEAKER_03So pissed when that happened. Jerks. So a plague of midgets of I'm sorry, I read that wrong. It's midges. Midges? Migs.
SPEAKER_00Migs. We're getting deeper and deeper into the midges. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03This is not a plague of midgets.
SPEAKER_02If you would have said a play, a plague of midgets in Ireland, then I would have then we would have gone even further.
SPEAKER_03Okay, midges. They're midges? What are those? Magis? The Cleveland Indians baseball stadium and much of Cleveland itself is built by a lake, which often leads to some strange problems. In a playoff game between New York Yankees and the Cleveland Indians, thousands of midges. That like little bugs. Thousands of midges came out of the lake in huge numbers and affected the course of the game. Though they're generally harmless, the sheer swarm seriously tweaked Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain to the point that he could not concentrate. The Bugs ended up swinging the game for the Indians who ended up winning their series against the Yankees. Right. With a plague of midges, not midgets. I'm sorry, I apologize. Um it is you know St. Patrick's.
SPEAKER_00And mess with the game.
SPEAKER_03We rappers.
SPEAKER_00Brighamirs, everybody.
SPEAKER_03Grimers. I thought that was funny because I thought that actually said midgets. But so a no-hitter pitch.
SPEAKER_00I think this sounds like Dan has to look over your stories too.
SPEAKER_03Great. A no-hitter pitched while on LSD.
SPEAKER_00Nice.
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm sure this happened quite a bit. Doc Ellis was having a normal day hanging out with his friends and uh his him and his doing all the drugs, especially LSD. Suddenly his girlfriend read the newspaper that Ellis was supposed to be pitching for the Pittsburgh Pirates that day. Despite needing um to catch an afternoon flight and running late, Ellis made it to the stadium and proceeded to light up the up the opposition while being lit up himself. Ellis became the first, and as far as we know, the only pitcher to pull off a no-hitter while tripping the light fantastic, it says here. Did they like test his blood and everything to make sure like Ellis was so high he didn't even know he was pitching a no-hitter and interpreted his teammate's silence as disapproval for his drugged lifestyle? In fact, they were simply observing an age-old tradition of not speaking to a pitcher during a no-hitter. As to break the pitcher's concentration.
SPEAKER_02I heard about that.
SPEAKER_00So you can't take steroids, but LSD is okay. Right. Why are you looking at me, Swartz? Did the penguin tell you to do that?
SPEAKER_03Is that a rhinoceros? What is that?
SPEAKER_00It's from Billy Madison. Anybody?
SPEAKER_03Number eight on here, potato baseball. David uh Bresnahan played for a minor league team. Bresnahan. We are not journalists, folks.
SPEAKER_02We don't care.
SPEAKER_00I think Rick is on LSD. We don't care where the story came from.
SPEAKER_03Bresnahan played for a minor league team and was a bit of a practical joker. He stayed up all night, slowly and intricately carving a potato into a perfect replica of a baseball. Then the next day he put his plan into play. There was a runner on third, and he threw the fake ball into the outfield. The runner came home and was tagged out with the real ball that Bresnahan still had in his hand. The umpire quickly f figured out what happened and was not at all pleased. He ruled the runner safe at home. And Bris Nanahan was fired from the team shortly after. While he may have lost his job as the baseball player, he still regularly gets mail from fans of his admittedly clever potato gig.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02It's shenanigans. Yeah, I don't think you're allowed to bring anything else. I think there's a rule about that. Right. Well, no. Had he not break a rule, I think he would have been fine.
SPEAKER_03Right, right. You can't even use grease, you know, with the oil and stuff on your fingers.
SPEAKER_02I have seen the uh the first baseman pretend to throw a pitch back and the pitcher pretending to catch it. Yes. And then they lead off and he tags him. That's legit. That's good. Yeah. But you can't like throw a rock back to the or a potato.
SPEAKER_03Or a rock.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, or a potato, yeah.
SPEAKER_03You guys saw that Randy Johnson's uh that he he hit a bird on a fast pitch. You ever saw that picture? That's on here. This bird, he exploded how hard.
SPEAKER_01I bet he did.
SPEAKER_03How hard can pitchers throw? Well, Randy Johnson, they figured this pitch clocked it about 98 miles an hour.
SPEAKER_02Somewhere between 95 and like 100, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And it'll bigger the taller they are, the more they can rubber band that arm off.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah. Randy Johnson was a hell of a pitch.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And the bird flew in front, and all you see is this poof of white feathers. Nothing else. Yeah. Honey, come home. Poof. That was perfect.
SPEAKER_00Petey!
SPEAKER_03Jeez. Our pets.
SPEAKER_00Heads are falling off. Anybody?
SPEAKER_02Huh?
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. Dumb and dumber.
SPEAKER_02Dumb and dumber, yeah. That was Petey.
SPEAKER_00Heads are falling off. I took care of it.
SPEAKER_03Oh, God.
SPEAKER_02What do you mean you sold it to the blind kids? Oh. I still think the first big laugh I got from that movie is when he comes home and he asks, he says, How you doing, Lloyd? And he goes, I fell off the tarmac. Again. Again. Yeah. I'm like, that's not funny. And then he goes, again.
SPEAKER_03And that's what made me lose.
SPEAKER_00There's a lot of funny things in there.
SPEAKER_03The whole gas scene. That's when you talk about gas today when he's in the toilet.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because you drank all that laxative stuff. Oh, what a nightmare.
SPEAKER_02I just made the noise from that scene, which was that's it. That's yeah, the squeak.
SPEAKER_00Don't use the toilet. It's broken.
SPEAKER_02Oh my God. Will we ever have a show without gas and fuse?
SPEAKER_03I'll do one more. I'll stop at number six. Player starts a riot with heckling fans. Well, kind of deserve it.
SPEAKER_04Yep.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Normally it's the fans that start the riot with each other or with the players. In this case, however, things took a turn for the bizarre. The Texas Rangers were playing against the Oakland A's, whose fans are known for being extremely belligerent A-holes.
SPEAKER_02That's because they lose a lot. Yes, they do. And they don't have a lot of money to buy the players.
SPEAKER_03They got no money. The heckling from the A's fans got so bad that a Ranger pitcher completely lost his temper and went on the attack, throwing a metal folding chair into the stands. Oh, launching himself at the fans. Oh. The unrest between the fans and the players was so bad that the umpires were considering calling the game as a forfeit and just clearing out the whole stadium to avoid any further trouble. The fan who was hit with the chair got a broken nose and an out-of-court settlement out of the deal. Welcome to baseball. We got five more, but I'll share them next time. Nice. That sounds good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That was a good time.
SPEAKER_03Can't wait for baseball. That's right. Rick Ramirez.
SPEAKER_00We still have hope.
SPEAKER_03We do. 162 games coming, folks.
SPEAKER_00What about them brewers? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, and then we got theater coming up. I got Shakespeare coming up at the end. And then Wild Women of Windale are playing. Yes.
SPEAKER_00All good things coming up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I think it's this month.
SPEAKER_03Is your show not until next month, right?
SPEAKER_00Our show isn't until the uh You don't know.
SPEAKER_03I think it's at the end. Yeah. Well, you got desperate to ask me to build sets. Yeah, we're just gonna be building sets for it.
SPEAKER_00You're building sets?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, if stuff falls. I'm sorry.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02You want to follow me. You just need a little bunchy cords.
SPEAKER_00I can help a little.
SPEAKER_02Okay, done.
SPEAKER_00Help me backstage, though.
SPEAKER_02She's oh, you are? Oh. Amy's helping backstage.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Thanks again, everybody. Good night.
SPEAKER_03Good night. Happy St. Patrick's Day.
SPEAKER_02Happy St. Patrick's Day.
SPEAKER_03I drink green beer, my lesson.